Dear…

Dear [Creepy] Men [of all ages] in Minneapolis,

I know you’re looking at my butt, and I don’t find it flattering.  You are the reason I want to wear nothing but extremely baggy sweatpants and sweatshirts, like I did in high school, for that reason. I also don’t think it is an effective way to hit on me. If you think by looking me up and down and winking or licking your lips I’m going to go weak in the knees and instantly fall in love with you, you are extremely mistaken. I find it disgusting and I want to run as far away from you as possible. Secondly, If you think by staring at my chest some how *magically* cleavage will appear you are also wrong. At no point in time will you ever be able to view my cleavage, so please stop staring, this also is not flattering. In case you haven’t figured this out both of these are extremely ineffective ways to pick up women, especially women like me. So please give up and find a more respectable way to pick up women on the street.

Sincerely,

Jennifer

P.S. If you’re going to sag your pants, please wear underwear. No one wants to see that on the bus in the morning, or ever really.