The Room

This is a story I heard for the first time years ago while a camper at EWALU, all those years ago it brought tears to my eyes, to this day I can’t hear or read it without those tears. It is totally worth reading the whole thing. One of the women in my small group mentioned it last night, so I dug it out of my EWALU binder that is packed with great stories and thought I would share it with you. It is a wonderful reminder of what Jesus has done for us and how good God is!

The Room – Joshua Harris

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing feature except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and were seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read, “Girls I have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their contents. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.” The files ranged form the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger,” “Things I have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.”

I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes less than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked, “TV Shows I have Watched,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents.

The cards were packed tightly, and yet after 2 or 3 yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, ashamed, not so much by the quality of shows, but more by the vast time I knew that the file represented. When I came to a filed marked, “Lustful Thoughts.” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card.

I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel as I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly hopeless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning on my forehead against the wall, I let out a long self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it… The title bore, “People I have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands.

I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I feel on my knees and shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch his response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out files and one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

“No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shouldn’t and said, “it is finished.” I stood up and he led me out of the room.

There was no lock on its door.

There were still cards to be written.

This was a dream Joshua had, and I am SO glad it wasn’t my dream. I don’t think I could handle seeing my own room like that. But Jesus sees and reads all of our cards, and loves us still, and signs His name over ours. How amazing!!!

argh.

so please ignore the post below. because, well it all sucks. and i’m starting from scratch, again. haha. oh the design process, such a frustrating and stressful one but so very rewarding in the end.

It’s ironic that I love design, yet the process for me is horrendous. I don’t deal with stress very well, I never have. I have various ways of trying to deal with it some good (like exercising)… some not so good (like eating my grandmothers delicious cookies, her’s are the best… for the record.) One thing I have started to learn is that I need to just stop what I’m doing and walk away and at some point I will have an epiphany about what needs to be done and how it should happen.

I also find it funny that these epiphanies come at the weirdest times, usually when I should be focusing on something else important or in a random place where I can write down what I’ve just thought of. For example: at the grocery store, driving, in the shower, when I’m on the phone talking to someone about something totally different etc. BUT I also find it AWESOME that some of my BEST epiphanies have been when I was at some sort of “church” function. For example, well when I’m at church, or when I was at Rob Bell’s “Drop Like Stars”, or when I was at the Desiring God Conference.

I think it has a lot to say for how creative our God is. I was in the presence of God at these events and I wasn’t even focusing on my project/design dilemma and yet *bam* perfect idea I needed. I often feel bad when this happens in church because then I can’t stop thinking about it when I know I should be listening to what John Piper (or whoever else) is saying.

We talked about the universe this week in Sunday School (I’m at 7th & 8th grade small group leader) and how magnificent it is, and how creative and amazing God is for creating it. It’s reminded me that He is the ultimate creator and the most creative being and when I find myself in times like this where I want to rip all my hair out or crawl in the corner and CRY, that I can turn to Him for comfort and guidance. Because who better to ask advice for than the greatest creator ever?

How do you deal with stress?

When was the last time you TRULY looked around and realized how amazing/beautiful our universe is?